A Long Time Forgotten
My dreams just fell by the way. Well, some did.
In youth, I could not have envisioned the life I’m living today. The good or the bad. Life throws curves, and we walk the path laid for us whether or not we recognize the pitch. Outrageous fortune has slings and arrows as does underperformance. No one gets out of this thing unscathed, but it is hoped that bruises heal and scrapes don’t leave much of a mark. Before his death, John Lennon said that the music he made in his later years was not intended to compete with that of his Beatles days. Rather, it was to ask his generation, “Did you make it through?”
We speak of dreams in such glowing terms that we fail to acknowledge their fallibilities. It should not be thought that a desired goal is always the correct one. The waking dreams of our lives may be somewhat like our nighttime dreams which are unexpressed issues of the subconscious. Not all my slumbering dreams are of positive nature, and some frighten me. If certain of my goals had been attained, the results could have been terrifying. I’m simply saying that, regardless of my motives, I’ve not always known what is good for me. Best to leave some things behind and move on.
If some of my dreams are lost in the past (and good riddance), it is also true that advancing years have shaped my goals. While I’ve never considered myself a person driven by the rage of the day, I cannot say that the dominant culture has played no role in my thinking- even of things spiritual. Grand accomplishments in a former time may not wear well amid current realities. It’s not that they were bad ideas only that their shelf-lives have expired. I’ve found that one dream either supplements or supplants another. We attach value and invest in what is familiar though known quantities and qualities are changing all the time.
It has been of more than passing interest to me which things stand the test or “make it through” to see new days. Over time, certain principles are seen to be immutable and certain people irrepressible. I have come to new understandings of old things and have recognized lesser value in some of my goals as the years have flown. Wonder filled my soul as I brushed the dust from old artifacts and found them lovely still. When I was a younger person, I thought I had it right. Today, I wonder if I will ever get it right. That full circle thing never meant much to me until I began to recognize the scenery.
More and more, I reminisce on childhood. What I can remember anyway. I loved my faith as a child and had simple goals based on straightforward biblical principles. Growing up, preparing for and entering the ministry complicated things for me. So did making money.
When ends compete, some get left out. Perhaps, some goals (yours and mine) are not worth the effort. We may lose valuable things in the pursuits. Simple things may pay great spiritual dividends. We could lose many possessions and not miss them. Our desires for achievement are not exempt.
I have wanted to be what I wanted to be. It’s the sinful nature, really, to build yourself. Scripture teaches us that we are the building of God. Our very lives do not belong to us. The Master said He has plans for us- plans for days to come.
Reading of those given dreams and visions by God, I wonder if it could be the same for me. Those revelations of God did not always include the well-being of the recipients. Am I willing to pay the cost?
At no point in life are we to be unavailable to God. The things of the past are in the past, but God has a future for us still- a goal for the life we’re living today.
Sterl