Years ago, I came across a sign that read, “I know you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what I said was not what I meant.”  I could have written that one myself.

What I said was not what I meant.  Done that. Sometimes, we cannot adequately and understandably even express strong emotions.  It’s not the easiest thing to put thoughts and feelings into words. Things sound good and persuasive in front of the mirror somehow don’t come out right when you’re staring in someone’s face.  It just didn’t make any sense, and, now, I wish I hadn’t said anything at all.

Having been on the short end of the exchange stick, I’m conflicted on conflict.  If I don’t say anything, it looks like I don’t care. If I say something, it sounds stupid trite.  Self-awareness has a place, but there are other elements at play.  Some of them, we can control while others are beyond our scope. It is well said that we should not worry about things we can’t control.  Good luck with that one.

In considering the perils of self-expression, we remember the Bible says to pray for wisdom in answering others.  We should also heed the words of Jesus regarding speech. Over and over, He told us to choose our words carefully and not use many of them.  This is even an issue of final judgment. James forcefully warned us about the tongue and its destructive power. But being careful is not the only concern.

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you say.  We have to admit this truth. Don’t heap all the blame for misunderstandings on the one who broaches the subject.  People who do not have ears to hear will not hear. Just as the Bible urges us to control our tongues, it implores us to open our ears.  I am grieved when people parse words to make a point. Even Jesus was subject to people twisting His words or ignoring them altogether.

We should not underestimate the peril in communication, but we ought not understate the  positive. Particularly, when we understand what it is supposed to be. God intended us to love each other.  Through this lens, we accept, encourage and forgive one another. And we try to understand- even when we don’t.  It doesn’t matter that everything is not done or said correctly. Such standard is unattainable.

When Scripture exhorts us not to hold in memory every spoken word, it’s grace to you and grace to me.  It frees us from unnecessary worry and judgment. At least, that’s the way it’s supposed to work. And there will be a next time.  A time for you to give or receive grace.

Sterl