You May Think I’m Crazy

I was runnin’ against the wind.  This, despite the plain fact that I’m a conformist at heart.  When I say conformist, I simply mean that I’m a rule-keeper- a law and order kind of guy.  I hold the firm belief that guidelines are necessary for a civil society.  This concept has practical, historical and biblical bases.  Few are the positive precedents for anarchy although righteous rebellion has played an important role in the development of our world.  There are poles of tension as every demonstration is not peaceful or practical though the practitioners claim such, and each authority is not benevolent or beneficial whatever the polls say.  I have often found myself torn between the desire to protect the status quo and that of self-determination.

I have tried to fit in.  In saying this, I am not viewing myself as homeless or without cohorts.  Rather, I am saying that my first inclination is to find my place among the established group.  It has not been too difficult to join the mass in most instances.  Doubtless, the leaders of the pack congratulate themselves on their friendly and welcoming group, and, in measure, are correct in saying they have an open-door policy.  They are, indeed, welcoming initially, and are friendly after their lights.  There’s not much bad to say about such assemblages.  They provide valuable services and ministries.  The thing is, they are not everyone’s proper environ, and the collective soul of the participants may not understand this point.  They are enamored with the group.

Some are happy as clams being part of the conglomerate.  I’m not saying this is wrong as there are undeniable benefits.  This predisposition is probably a part of the personality as much as anything else.  The thing is, it’s hard to take a piece of the pie when others want you to choke down the whole thing.  There’s not much tolerance for deviance within an established group.  It’s not that they are averse to change; only that it’s hard to get it out of committee.  A part of the problem for people like me is that process, and I’m not even saying its right to have a problem with it.  The safety of the group is comforting as much as the group is limiting.  Not all feel this way, but there is a difference between fitting in and feeling pressure to fit in.

I have chosen a more solitary path.  While not a rebel at heart, I like to know that the door is open, and the path is free to walk.  I realize that some will make no connection with my thoughts though I have heard the same sentiment expressed by many on the road.  We must also make the free admission that this leaning is probably a function of the personality as much as the other.  There is not one application of the Christian life or ministry.  The fullness of God cannot be expressed by any individual or group, and I have come to view diversity in calling as integral to the plan of God.  Over time, I have seen valid efforts with undeniable results glorify God even though I, personally, was not initially draw to those endeavors.

I have been told to play along, and I will, most often, vote with the majority.  I alternately support and question the status quo.  Too often in the wrong, I am sometimes in the right.  At my age, I have given up the idea of always needing to be correct.  What I want to be is genuine.  I hope to be real and true to myself secondarily to being faithful to my Lord.  There are some who view the lonesome road with distrust if not disdain.  Call me crazy, but I have found comfort on the road less traveled.  In my life, it has made all the difference.  It is not easy to decide where to make your stand and where to take your next steps for thus your future is determined.  I’m older now but still runnin’ against the wind.


« Go back