Wonderful Now

Years of working in the ministry, as well as, the recovery industry have taught me the necessity of understanding perspective in conflict management.  I’m not even saying I’m particularly good at such divination, but I am saying that, without context, a decision is a pretext.  It is impossible to reach common ground unless there is a grasp on the uneven ground.  While perpetrators want to put their missteps behind them, their prey may be unwilling or unable to do so.  The nature of disputed acts is not integral to application of the principle.

It is safe to say that the dissolution of the nuclear family brings a sea-change to society.  While it is true that challenges have ever been and families have always faced jeopardy, today we see family bonds thrown away carelessly and dispossessed children abound.  There are many reasons for the debacle, but, in the end, reasons do not matter as much as felt pain.  And I’m not saying there are not valid reasons for families to part.

I can speak for the children as I am one of the broken-hearted.  Though less, I have somewhat to say for the parents from many associations with adults in the turmoil of division.  Perspective is instructive.

Parents initiate family break-ups.  I am sympathetic to the manifold tragedies in which there are no winners.  However, those who do the breaking are more ready to move on to the next phase in life.  Children get stuck there.

Parents have options.  While it is true that these may be limited, they remain, and parents are ready to exercise choice long before children.  The helplessness of dependents at their losses is not understood by their elders, at least, not in any substantive way that really makes a difference.

Many other things are seen through the keyhole of perspective, and, like a key slot, perspective only gives us part of the picture.  It can rightly be said that many concerned parents do their best to make the lives of their children comfortable, but such accommodations fall short of wonderful.

Whether one can move past events depends on their position at the time of departure.  A parent may not understand why a child seems dissatisfied in more physical comfort not realizing that true rest is an emotional issue.  Though it has been over forty years since my loss, constant reminders keep it in the forefront of my mind.  I’m a graduate of the school of “get over it,” but my soul-aches make it difficult to take my own advice. 

I believe in second chances and warn the downfallen not to stay down too long.  As a believer in grace, I counsel people to abandon shame and not castigate others.  There is a point at which the beatdown must end, and those who live by the sword die by same.  Those who bear weapons must take care to hold on loosely lest they not be able to let go.

Here’s to the family.  Stay thick in the thin and forgive if you can.  Let’s understand each other and have compassion realizing our own weaknesses.  Those hurt by failures in the unit may indeed be those with the least say in the proceedings.

If we can understand another person’s point of view, it will inform our own.  There is greater effect in the actions of those in positions of power.  They leave more casualties and victimize themselves.


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