The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done
Now, that’s a toughie. Trying to define the most difficult thing in a lifetime. I once heard John Maxwell speak on the topic of “what hurt the most” at a men’s rally in Nashville, TN. He was speaking to the large fraternity of pastors present on that wintry day. One thing I know about pastors is that there’s a lot of concealed pain in many, perhaps most, of their lives. It occurs to me that the hard things in life are things requiring coping skills. Dealing with issues that never really end. I got hit by a car once, but I got over it. Things might be different today if I’d been hit monthly or yearly over the next forty-five years. Truthfully, some other things have assaulted me with relentless frequency during that same time period. I had to deal.
One challenge for me has been in the physical realm. I’ve had a bum knee since I was fourteen. It would be hard for me to explain how much pain this has caused over the years. There have been many limitations placed on my activities since I was a young teenager. In the light of great suffering in the physical arena by so many, I almost hate to mention my concern, but it has been a burden. In another way, it has been a gift. It has helped me understand others who limp through life. I think that maybe the most difficult part is that no one really knows how I feel. I’ve been told to “shake it off” more times than I care to remember. That thought has value, but its value may be lost on people in pain at the moment.
Glossing over the whispered mental deficiencies, it has been hard for me to deal with emotional pain. Some people are good at such description but not me. I can’t describe to others what I don’t understand myself. It’s not easy to quantify feelings. I just pack ‘em down. Funny thing about that. Repressed emotions don’t stay down, and, when they reappear, memory doesn’t serve. Many times, I have “raged against the dying of the light,” and wondered what went wrong. There’s a lot of company on the broken road because so many people are disenfranchised. I have had to cope, but I also have gained the empathy of commonality. The “whys” are parts of eternity’s revelation. Still, I wish I understood.
The hardest thing I’ve ever done is keep believing. And it’s been easier for me than for most. I understood that God gives and takes away from my youth. Not only do I understand it, I accept and approve it. This is a huge barrier to many people. They can’t seem to get their heads around the biblical truth that what looks bad may actually be good. Modern culture (even Christian culture) has not helped. Life may not be satisfying, but it should be comfortable. It is hard to teach people otherwise and urge them to maintain a pure faith in times of disappointment and trial. I do not doubt the goodness and grace of God, but I share the paradox between idealism and realism with the masses. Can we successfully teach contrary to human nature?
There are some keys to maintaining belief and hope in a mist. First, accept God’s Word as true in all conditions and climes. Of course, this is faith- required in believers. Also, understand that your experience is the human experience in a tainted world. None of us are much special. Third, have a home church and be committed to it. These things combine with spiritual desire and help a striver understand their place in the world and God’s plan. Maintaining faith is no easy task. It requires both faith and folks. We are to have a personal commitment and a communal mindset. There is a place in your life only God can fill, a purpose only you can find and a part where others fit. Look down that lonesome road, but don’t fear to travel on.
Sterl
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