Here I Go Again, On My Own

I’m going down a road I’ve never known.  That is true for all of us in a real way, but I didn’t used to reflect on it much.  The truth is, most of my life is behind me.  If I could do it all over, there are things I would change, but I don’t want to regret my life.  Doubtless, many feel the way I do in that regard, but, for good or ill, the past is the past.  Forrest’s mom said you’ve got to put the past behind you to ever move ahead, and I read the same thing in the Bible.  As I strain my eyes against the setting sun, it’s hard to discern if the path is rugged or relaxed.  Behind, rising smoke reminds me that I can’t cross the rivers of my memory and return to former days.  There is no end in sight for me- only a continued journey. 

Life is more the journey than the destination, anyway.  Many times, we achieve an end to discover that it was not as imagined though we learned on the way.  We look back in wisdom but are unable to retrace our steps.  Consequently, we carry stores for other days and unknown ventures.  It is the quest with uncertain endings that is most attractive to me.  Those who hunt do so with unknown outcomes yet hunt for its sake.  Fishers take joy in the catch but also in the task.  In God’s work, it can be difficult to quantify or qualify the desired destination though we have it in a general, conceptual sense.  It is, therefore, extremely important that one be convinced of the worth of goals whose culmination is not guaranteed.

We are not meant to stand still.  God designed each of us for movement.  If machinery is left too long in one position, it will seize up.  The same is true of me physically if I sit too long in one position.  The greater danger is living a life without effort.  If nothing propels the individual forward, they may become but a relic to a former time.  Such is true on many fronts.  Some people have done little to expand themselves mentally.  Consequently, they become unable to think critically.  As we age, desire fails, and this failure may be seen in any area.  Sadly, some lose the ability to dream and come to prefer paddling in a small pond to the swift currents of a flowing river, much less braving the restless waves of the sea.

In these days, I find my ship blown by unfamiliar breezes.  It is disconcerting in some senses, but I have always loved the feel of the wind on my hair.  I am undertaking a work for God which is invigorating and exhausting through my young church.  In my personal life, I am keenly aware that the last days of my spiritual travels are upon me.  How I wish I knew more of the Word, and how certain I am that I will not slack my spiritual thirst.  Many of my efforts are in conjunction with others, and some I undertake alone.  As in all of my times, choices and changes loom for which I must take responsibility as a free moral agent.  It has been a privilege to live this life though potential has not been fully realized.

What do you plan to do for God with the time you have left?  I am fairly sure that the younger will live days I have only glimpsed from afar, but there is no guarantee of that.  The moment we experience is the only actual reality of existence, so, when I ask what you intend to do in the future, I am really asking what you are doing now.  Little certitude exists for us, and it is important that we commit ourselves totally to God.  Nothing is accomplished apart from His will whether we can wrap our heads around it or not.  In the end, all things work together and are good.  God knew where I would be today before I was born.  I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.  Here I go again.


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